April this year

im writing this kinda for myself now. its been a long time since the last post. nobody comes here anymore but i'd like to come back once in a while to read it. its pretty uplifting :)

It was during overseas training. we were doing vehicle navigation and i was leading a convoy of reservists in 9 vehicles. To be honest, i had a bit of trouble chatting up the driver in mandarin. lol, thank God for hokkien.

anways, the 50-60 km we travel is problem free. the road was snaky and mountainous. it could've been an enjoyable sightseeing trip if not for the circumstance we were in. everyone was tired and it was getting late, like 2100hrs late. nobody had eaten dinner yet.

then came the last turn.

'slow down ah chun' i say as i squinted in the dark trying to see the junction ahead, comparing it with the picture in my hands. oh shit, i can't tell if that's the critical point.

'slow down somemore ah chun...SLOW DOWN'. but for some strange reason, he goes on.

the junction is now slightly behind me and i notice in the glow of dim headlights, the letter box which was featured in the photo i had.

'shit!' .............. ok, fine. i cursed and swore.

'can we reverse, ah chun?'

'不可以向后走了'

=.= (more swearing)

'Eh Walter, u missed the junction issit?' asked my young instructor sitting in the back.

'yes sir, i missed it'........... i start noticing vehicle marshals around the junction (they were used to signify critical points along with sign postings)

by now, ah chun has stopped the vehicle after realising he overshot the turn.

in a burst of confidence, i say 'NVM sir, we will go straight and turn at the next CP marked on the map.'

Cutting the story short, i found myself stuck in a suburban area with many small lanes snaking all over, like a maze of china town in sg. i couldn't find the CP. Starting to panic, I made an early right turn to try again.

Traffic lights were all over the place and it was not long before my driver reported that all the vehicles from no. 5 onwards were lost.

I got off the vehicle amidst a young hysterical 2lt and ran backwards to a major junction.

as per Pastor Chui's preaching, it was here, in taiwan that i planted another one of my altars. (lol, i got altars all over the place now)

it was quite dramatic. I felt stunned-shocked-lost-helpless-in-dispair-broken-tired in a place i had no miniscule idea about.

standing in the middle of the huge 5-way road junction, i turned round and round trying to catch a glimpse of any of the lost vehicles. A Church with a brightly lit blue neon Cross was seen in the distance.

nothing. just nothing.

The roads were quiet and nobody walked the streets. a few curious residents look down at the small commotion we were making.

I run to vehicle no.4 and ask my fellow cadet, 'where'd we lose them?'

All he did was smile his irritating smile and shrug.

By now, the drivers had dismounted and were complaining amongst themselves about the young useless foreigners who couldn't navigate for shit. they thought i didn't understand hokkien.

every word they said still rings in my head.

I walk back to the junction, my head bowed low, my back slouched. I look at the Cross longingly.

'God, why me? why now? why this? i don't deserve this...'

I stood in the middle of the junction, and looked up to the sky, for any sign of a lightning bolt that would strike me and end my misery. The trip hadn't been good, and i thought i was doing badly for the exercises, this being the last exercise.

How does it feel boy?

'i feel like shit'

Remember back in the water at sentosa when u lost your cross?

'yeah...'

Remember the feeling of being lost at sea? Does this remind you of that?

*nod*

When you're at a junction in your life and you don't know what to do, where do you go?

'GOD JUST HELP ME! PLEASE. I'M LOST. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. ALL THESE PPL HATE ME, HELP ME GET TO THE END POINT PLEASE! PLEASE!'

I was getting hysterical too. i wanted to just get on my knees and give up. i hated that feeling.

It was here that God gave me peace. He warned me, don't get off my bus (refer to earlier article if you don't understand). You will surely get lost.

It's weird how God was warning me and yet i still felt peace. like he was telling me out of love, it was a warm feeling :)

I calmed down and got my act together, turned and went back to the squabbling drivers.

God, i trust in you. I believe You will get me out of this.

The drivers managed to contact the missing vehicles by handphone and we managed to get back to camp. the last convoy. but in one piece. thank God.

I know this sounds totally unreal and corny, but the missing part of the convoy were parked near the Church. And i was looking in that direction for the longest time. haha. My God is a mysterious worker. especially when showing me things which im too blind to see. God is the answer.

I kinda emo-ed the whole night but my friends were nice about it.

More importantly, I got a wake up call from the Father himself, in a foreign land.

And it strengthened me.

030608

the Lord spoke to me today. its been a while since a convicting word come to me; ive stopped praying and reading the Word before bed at night, ive ceased even being alert to my own behaviour to others. this has gone on a long time. any effort to get back on track has failed.

today i was at sentosa for IACE. i was on matt's shoulders and wrestling with sebastian. sebastian was pretty riled up and really tried to push me down into the water. after seb fell into the water i realised my cross necklace was missing from its place around my neck....

i searched neck-high water with my feet as i could not see below my waist in the murky sea water. it was really pathetic. i even dove twice and tried to grab blindly with my hands. salty water stung my eyes as i tried again and again to find it.

thats when God spoke to me. i was telling Him that i could not make it without Him. that i really needed that cross. He said:

walter, dont lose your cross. you are in deep water. i want you to remember how it feels to lose your cross which you hold dear only in times of trouble. i want you to remember the sense of loss and fear in the deep water. i want you to remember how murky that water is. i want you to remember the desperation. i want you to remember the day you lost your cross. walter, dont lose your cross.

walk on water, dont tread it.

that cross was given to me by a dear brother, xavier, who is now a lost sheep. it really means alot to me.

Mark Hall's (casting crowns) teachings

I grew up in a small town in the states and i used to go and watch these little parades that come through our town. They are pretty rare to come by and when they do, there is a big hoo-hah over them. Now, i was vertically challenged back then. Well, that's what you say when you wanna politically say you're short. So i would squeeze between the adults and my head could only stick out a teeny wee bit and all i have is this restricted view of the parade. We kids would wait for the 3 things we love to see every year: Bikers, Candy and Santa Claus.

So i would painfully wait and watch as a bunch of old people walk by, i dunno where these folks came from or why they were waving at us. Then would come the band and they would play their songs and the girls would be throwing their batons in the air - and they would fall to the ground and its really depressing to see. But me and the other kids would wait patiently for the 3 best floats to come by, Bikers, Candy and Santa.

Then finally, after an agonizing wait, the CANDY float comes, and the paraders would hand out their candy and i would reach my hands out as far as i could to grab hold of the candy bars. As quick as they came, they would go, then i would wait for the Bikers and santa.

I used to wish i could have this view from the top of a building so i'd knew what was coming next, so that my wait would not be so agonizingly painful. So i could see all the floats, where the band, old folks and such and such were, and i could figure where and when the Candy, Bikers and Santa were coming. Unfortunately, i didn't have this kinda view.

Is'nt it common for us to wish we knew wad was coming next? That we knew that in 7 days, or 7 weeks or 7 months and even years, this good thing would be coming my way? That my labour would not be in vain? And that i know that i am working for this reward which will come tomorrow. Then it takes the fun out of things. It takes the fun of life away from us.

But God knows what is coming. He knows our tomorrows, He knows wad we're gonna do, He know's when we're gonna slip up. He's the only one who has a bird's eye view of our lives. So it wouldn't hurt to know that an all-knowing, all-loving God is behind the happenings in our lives, and He is in full control. And it sure wouldn't hurt to have Him leading us on, because He knows. He knows when the candy bars in our lives are coming right up to us, cuz He's the one giving them to us.

Abide and trust in the Lord. So we know that despite our hard toils on this Earth, a whole parade of Candy bars would be awaiting us at the end of this race.